We've all made a lot of mistakes in life. No one should ever claim to be perfect. Because, when the sun comes up, and you remember that you're flawed, It's a good day.

You don't have to be mad anymore.

The thing he or she did to make you angry, It's all so human. Like you and I. So if you can make mistakes that deserve forgiveness, so can they.

Just let it out and let it go. Because tomorrow is one less day to get on with life and get going on what really matters to you.

I love you! **mwa!** Peace be with you!

Good bye.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

... I want to consider fully... all of the options set before me...

I want to be open minded to changing my mind about what I want to do.. what I want to be...

I found out that the people I work through are a little... unreliable when it comes to guaranteeing me work. They just told me today that if there is a second class to the class I've been teaching, that they have a salary employee who will be taking over... And, since I haven't had a lot of chance to communicate with my employers... this isn't because I've done a bad job. Because they have no frame of reference for whether I'm doing good or bad... Not that I'm aware of at least..

So, basically.. it seems like they are just giving the job up to someone who wanted it at the office... which is understandable to certain degree... because if I was a salary employee and I wanted something, I would hope my workplace would at least favour me a bit... but for *ME* right now.. it sucks... and it's showing me that they don't respect me or my position with them...

We'll see if there is future opportunities or otherwise that they have in mind for me... if it's not looking good.. I must reconsider what I'm doing with them and find other employment..

OR... go back to school and take something new... I've got some money.. I have cheap living conditions.... I could afford a year or 2 of school right now without even a part time job..

I rocked up some RockBand last night at my brother's house. :) That was a lot of fun. During the visit, I discussed a lot of geeky wonderfulness and it reminded me yet again that I need to organize some events and get people together to be the fantastic geeks that we are.

Specifically, I'd love to get a one-shot LARP kinda thing going. Which would give me a chance to try and organize a game and test out running it. :)

If that goes well, I'd love to make a vampire game in Winnipeg... heavily modeled after Calgary's larp.. :) Which I most certainly miss dearly. Thanks Marie-Claire and Kyle. It's what I miss most about Calgary.

I can't wait to get that and my Call of Cthulhu tabletop rpg going.

*long sigh*

Keep on swimming, keep on swimming.

... motivation... lacking... must not give up... must continue onwards!


------------

So, today I attended the first class of my "Train the Trainer" class. Only to find out that this class is *NOT* good enough to get my Microsoft Certified Trainer. I need to take something else instead (not IN ADDITION, no no.. INSTEAD). That's not cool at all. I'm pretty irritated about this. I was mislead, but it's also my fault for not triple checking.

ANYWAYS.. what's done is done. I may have to goto Calgary to do the other course though. So, that's not so bad.

I really am pumped about getting to be a trainer/teacher as a career though. It's pretty dynamic for hours and how I'd be living my life... and I like that. Plus, I'm constantly learning. Also a bonus.

------------

I've taken two semi-professional photo-shoots in the last few days. Definitely a lot of pictures to go through... which is really de-motivating. I've got no energy to sit down and go through photos and pick out the best ones... I've got a lot of things that I need to be worrying about right now and it's hard to justify the time on that.

I've got to answer student questions from my evening .NET courses.. I've got to prepare for the next course and email out the new assignment and notes... I've got to get up early and goto my next class for the "Train the Trainer" .. even though it's not getting me anywhere (F*CK)... and I have a series of things wrong with my health and car's health that I have been putting off for months now.

blah!

Anyways.. at least I'm progressing everything, bit by bit... I need to really sit down and plan out my Microsoft certifications as well.. another thing that cannot be put on hold anymore.

... *sighs*

I'm going to make myself a snack and watch some Dr Who.. then I'll nap.. and see if I can do something productive... probably starting with my evening class requirements.

Halloween!

Costumes, silliness, laughter, fun.

Oh, how I love this time of year in North America.

It's really easy for me to cheap out on my own life experiences. To do the bare minimum and nothing else. To be lazy.

Sure, I've succeeded in so many ways already. So, it's not like I'm *THAT* lazy... But, I am lazy. I just associate with non-lazy people and ride the wave.

It's gotten me this far, hasn't it? ;)

But... No more, no more. Part of this whole "doing the right thing for me" kick that I'm on, is that I need to be MUCH more self-motivated and self-sufficient. In all ways. Most importantly when it comes to pushing myself and what I do with my time.

Instead of tagging along with others. I need to seek out and do things on my own. If other people follow and join me, they'll do so on their own terms, not because I convince them to.

I need to feel like I'm expanding.

.......

As a side note... I'm really happy to be back in Winnipeg... Best decision EVER. :) I'm soo excited to be hanging out with new people... getting back in touch with old friends... and strengthening friendships that were otherwise just background noise in previous years.

When I get my feet planted, when I feel like I know who and what I am a little more... I'm going to express it to the world in wondrous ways. Just you wait and see.

Good things are a-comin!

The road is hard and long,
with guesswork thoughts,
and brass-worked clocks.
With chimney's swept, like memories,
letting heart-full logs, burn bright,
clean and long, throughout the night.

Here we sit, close to the warmth,
emotions and candles lit.
Speaking slowly to ourselves,
of waking dreams and puzzled smells.
The smoke reminds us all of pain,
the ashes strewn; the price we paid.

Internal voices beg for rest,
amongst the others in our head.
Let go salvation, let go of hope.
Let go of terror, let go the rope.
With its release, we shall be saved,
another blunder, just be brave.

We're fading quick, amongst the crowd,
We're fading like a memory.
Toggled from love to hate, so fast.
We knew it never could have last.
So good bye to you, my sanity,
good bye to you my friend.
It looks like this is all we are,
it looks to be the end.

One more episode of season 2 Dr who, from a few years ago...

Then, I sleep and go help build a house... :)

I am done done done (studying for 8 days straight with an average of 2 or 3 hours of sleep a day) YAY!

*sighs*

I suppose I have no distractions now... so.. I umm.. need to... *looks puzzled* ... hrmmm.. I could... maybe.. I ... I need to do some... but.. I feel like I should probably just... hmmm...


....

*later on his head would explode from the possibilities that lay before him*

I WANT TO SEE: "Where the wild things are!"

... now. Someone?

... I caught myself wondering, what words I would to say,
how I would feel.
If my thoughts were real.

... I wondered 'bout your thoughts, and what you would say,
how you would feel.
If my thoughts were real.

A grinding of teeth and a sweat down my brow,
is how I just feel,
But, these are my thoughts,
for real.

I make-believe thoughts, I give them their life,
They're taking their flight,
Keeping me up. all. night.

As a matter of fact, I assign them their weight,
Where they could've been harmless,
they have been so great.

It dawns on me swiftly, just how much I care,
about how you'll perceive me,
it doesn't seem fair.

I won't let you have me, when you're not around,
it's careless and silly,
to let myself down.

It's time to put pressure, to do what is right,
To let go of your thoughts,
To sleep more at night.

I have been sooo busy that I can't even afford to sleep more than 4 hours a night... and I wish that was a sarcastic statement.

So, I realize I have the comfort to not be busy after tomorrow night.. but.. I'm noticing that I will be immediately filling the void with people and plans and... I .. probably should be comfortable being on my own more... or at the very least, not feeling like I *have* to be surrounded and busy at all times.

I *really* need to make plans for my own personal education development. The plan is still to do self-study courses over the next few months to gain Microsoft certifications... I'm kinda nervous about that. I'd like to think I can do it.. but.. I'm nervous. I need to get a reality check first.

Sing-a-song a circular song
a soaring-laugh-a-long.
Bake-a-forsaken binary number;
a-counting two peas and a ripe cucumber.
A toughly-ruffly-muffly making,
roughly, 11 & pie.
Just a power-floured,coward,
eating bacon on the sum.
I must divise a way out of these,
insane mathematical puns:

So, forgive this absurd calculation...
We're predicating into a flawed equation,
caught in an infinite loop,
logically hooped,
Finding null-thing of use,
Waiting to initialize,
into our very own paradise,
once more.

Where the variables never change,
where we live in a CONSTANT_HAPPY_PHASE,
where friends always get our references,
where strong values match our preferences,
Until one night, all in a fright,
the thunder claps, the servers crash.
The program stops.

I'm fine when I'm wide awake, distracted, with my head on straight and a goal to accomplish.

But, in the middle of the night, when I can't help but let go and relax, in order to sleep...

I dream.

Waking from a dream not but an hour ago, after an evening nap... I had a wonderful feeling of elation... of happiness. Things were okay, I was fine... I thought "I need to remember my dream, what was it?"

Then I remembered... it was Maxine and I talking in Russian accents together, making jokes...

:~( It was something that you would often find me and her joking about together. It made me pretty upset, I'm not going to lie. Details like that are the good parts, the cherished memories.

What it made me realize though, is that I need to establish a new norm for funny bantering between friends on a long term sorta basis... the stuff that takes time when you're settling into a new scenario, like me moving back to Winnipeg.

Although Winnipeg is my stomping ground; I grew up here. I don't have the same friends that I had a few years ago. We don't have habits and hobbies together here. Anyone reading this can say so... I bet my roomies are the only people who could say otherwise... and maybe, but it's only just starting, Daria.

So... what the dream told me... is that I miss familiarity. This takes time.

soooooooooooooooooo tirrreddd!!!


neeeeed to stop stresssssing.... gahhh...

Alright... I'm stupid busy until Thursday at 9pm.

After that, I will only be Busy on Tuesdays/Thursdays until New Years... well, that's the non-negotiable busy days. Otherwise, I may be studying for Microsoft exams randomly in there.

The important thing is that I need to have at least *A* beer on Thursday evening.

Next up... This weekend coming up is the Zombie Walk.. You should come with me!

Sometimes it's easy to forget that I'm not in Calgary anymore. But, I'm not... so call me, I'll actually be available now.. :P I know.. it's crazy.

I should get some people over for a house party or some regular hang outs. I feel like I lost the intensity in many of my friendships over the past few years, due to the whole being in Alberta thing. Also, I tend to HERMIT when I get a girlfriend... which I would NOT like to repeat going forward, as much.

So, board games? RPGS? Movie nights?

Sign me up! I want my friends back!

Up until Thursday night, I've got a course mon-thurs .. so that'll be busy.. WISH ME LUCK THOUGH!

bubye!

Is anybody looking for a place to live in the near future? Who might want to be my roomie? It'd be around 350/month.

Just wondering. I'm not in a desperate need, but I could use the extra money, as I am paying a lot for myself to live in Winnipeg right now. :P

All relationship issues aside... I need to hunker down and figure out how I'm going to actually teach these courses come up. I'm still really intimidated by EJB, so if anybody understands them properly, I could use a sit down and some help.

I start my next course on Monday, it'll be 4 days long. Then half way through the week, I start teaching a night course at the UofW on .NET stuff. That should be interesting.

On the note of work, I was upset that I was only going to be paid for the hours within a course and not the time spent before or after, especially the part about marking tests and assignments! That's a lot of time for free to be working.

So, I sent an email explaining my case to the bosses. They are now charging me per class. The total price of the class is worth more individually than the hours. SO, basically I am being over compensated to allow for the time to mark/grade and not feel like i'm doing it for free.

This is a definite win for Scott.

-----------

Relationship issues... I f*cked things up... I'm not entirely sure why.. I don't want to get into the details.. but I was confused and made poor choices (re: facebook status; Scott W needs to make better choices).... Maxine and I were almost back together... but, I have ended that in a terrible way. I can only hope that Maxine forgives me for my actions... that I can forgive myself... and in the end... considering the hot and cold flashes of how Max and I were.. Maybe this could have been for the better anyways, who knows really. But, now there is a solid reason to not date anymore. :( ... Which Maxine has strongly gripped onto, I might add. This time around, I wont be posting anything about those details, that was immature and just angry of me... either way, it is what it is.

-----------

My parents have been going out to the house by Grand Beach (in Grand Pine gold course specifically) almost every day. Except when football games are on, then my mom sits there impatiently as my dad relaxes.. :) hehe.. I love them both dearly.

We're down to little time now. As we NEED to get up the structure of the house before the major snow fall.. AND before my parents take their 6 month leave to Mexico in November (starting with a week or 2 in Florida) ... :) They deserve it.. but, they'll stress A LOT less if the house is in a good shape BEFORE they leave.

SO.. SOS to anyone who is free for a day (on weekends or otherwise), who would like to catch a ride to the house and help out with whatever needs to be done that day. We'll supply beverages and food!

... seriously... need help.

-----------

My house is a disaster right now. I've let it go, in favour of dealing with Maxine... and the new teaching job (during the week before and during a class). I can't let it go ANYMORE! Jordan (my roomie that moved in with Maxine) is moving out on November 1st to a house his mom bought, go Jordan! :) That'll be nice for him.. BUT CRAPPY FOR ME.. I need more roomies! Anyone interested? I'm willing to accept at 325/month! ... well, think about it.

So, when he moves his stuff out.. and Maxine's with it. I'll have an empty basement! *gasp!* seriously.. EMPTY! ... I can't wait... then I can do something... I can move around the storage places I already have and make a place to hang out down there... or at least a place that we can find and grab storage stuff easier... whatever works best!

I also have a lot of things for Christmas decorating, from my mom. Because when they moved out of the house, they have to store it somewhere. I volunteered so I could make this place magical for a month or two.

-----------

I took someone's lorazepam last night.. and I was SOOO destressed and content.. and slept for a ridiculous amount of time.. and I felt great waking up. During a break up, that you have caused and a lack of time to study for work and help out my parents at their house... this stuff really really worked for the day.. not that I think I'll need more.. but it's the first time I've ever taken a drug to do something other than remove headaches or for entertainment :P

Anti-anxiety... mmmmm good stuff.

Today my head is back on straight.. I'm hungry and I don't think I'll break down crying every 20 minutes like yesterday.... all day.. :( oh gawd yesterday was very emo.

--------------

See Also: please, can someone invite me out to hang out sometime soon.. I miss people outside of my relationships... and this last month has been the Maxine and Scott Drama month. I didn't get a lot of people involved.. and I feel like I distanced myself by doing that.

my new winnipeg # is 990...........3348

I'm studying up for my next class on Monday. This is the redo of the failed class I tried to teach first... so, this time, I'm going to kick butt!

I'm going to be on a beach in Hawaii in a few days... you should feel sorry for me or something.. or is that be jealous?.. I always get those confused.. :P

-----------------------

I was made to teach. :)

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( Read more... )
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I am so happy right now.

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( Read more... )
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Creativity abounds!

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( Read more... )

I think it's funny when people post on Facebook from their phone and then other people beside them in the real world text replies to their status. :)

Let's just embrace this f*cked up technology.

I quoted this once when I read it.. but I think it's worth re-posting..

"For sure, even the worst blow job is better than, say, sniffing the best rose... watching the greatest sunset. Hearing children laugh. I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a hot-gushing, butt-cramping, gut-hosing orgasm. Painting a picture, composing an opera, that's just something you do until you find the next willing piece of ass. The minute something better than sex comes along, you call me. Have me paged." (Chuck Palahniuk, Choke)

Hey people,

Does anybody have access to get copies of some Microsoft e learning resources?

I'm going to get myself all certified so I can be a trainer, but I'm going to need to take the following 6 courses... and any help would be most appreciated...

Microsoft Certified Professional Developer (MCPD) -
Enterprise Application Developer 3.5 on Visual Studio 2008
==========================================================================

Microsoft .NET Framework – Application Development Foundation
Exam 70-536

Microsoft .NET Framework 3.5 – Windows Forms Application Development
Exam 70-505

Microsoft .NET Framework 3.5, ASP.NET Application Development
Exam 70-562

Microsoft .NET Framework 3.5, ADO.NET Application Development
Exam 70-561

Microsoft .NET Framework 3.5 – Windows Communication Foundation Application Development
Exam 70-503

Designing and Developing Enterprise Applications Using the Microsoft .NET Framework 3.5
Exam 70-565

I'm going to stay strong, keep my head well screwed on,
going to make all the right moves and shed all the wrong.
I've been eating up wisdom for days at a time,
Because in one single moment, I could lose my mind.
The knife blade we sit on, is growing so thin,
convinced that the wrong thoughts, will lead us to sin.
Let's break down the facts and use a little more tact,
to vanquish our demons and pave a new path.
Its easy to run and never look sad,
to take all the good, and leave all the bad.
So I ask that you to listen, I implore you to see,
the beauty inside you, the human in me.
Then slowly the light will open our eyes:
The truth of the matter... will materialize.

I am sad that I had to cancel this course. I feel a little defeated. On the other hand, I guess I'm learning a lot. This is a good life experience. I feel like a mature adult, I knew when to say no and walk away and had the courage to talk to everyone in person and explain myself and stick around to shake hands and apologize.

I know what I need to do better for any future "Next time".

I still like teaching, I just need to know the material better, which means knowing the material AND the environment that the material is used in.

I messed up that last part. I wasn't comfortable installing and setting up the applications and software from scratch. Now, I am. I had to show everyone how to do it... we had a lot of problems, but in the end I learned a lot about what can go wrong. I learned about how some people only look at pictures and others only read the text.

I am going to go home now and watch a few downloaded shows and relax. Then, I'm going to clean my house and organize my life.

F*CK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

... I am going crazy... today was terrible.

I crammed all last night and learnt all these new concept about Java Beans and such... it's not even that complex... but.. when I got to class... all of the application lesson and such DID NOT WORK AT ALL... We all were stumped together at least and nobody could really figure it out. I apologized and blamed the late acceptance to teach the course. Which is true... I just ... took a chance and hoped that at the very least I could troubleshoot the problems that came up...

Basically I couldn't... I failed... they all were at least nice to me.. and I think I even earned respect... but... I don't know this stuff... none of the friggin' applications/versions are working the way they should... I just don't think this course should go on.

... I still need to deal with Maxine and I.. and whatever the heck is going on between us...

I feel ugly... unattractive and stupid... so.. basically.. I don't really know what to do.. but... SOMETHING positive and self-confidence boosting.

I'm off to Vancouver Tomorrow evening... then traveling for a few days... Then to BurningMan.

I think I have a new job lined up for when I get back... the pay will be a lot less, but I already knew that... *sigh* :) I'll still be happy with the salary though.

Sounds like this job will have plenty of room for me to teach and learn... so, I'll push for it a lot... anywhere that I can self-improve is definitely a good place for me to be right now... I am a little lost still... Although, let's be honest, I think It's fair to say, I might never be TRULY happy the way I want to be in my head... I think, much like my ideals about love and romance... my ideals about finding the perfect job and loving IT... are just as messed up.

It's much more comforting to accept that I am happy doing what I am doing right now... but 4 years from now... or even 2... I might not be.

That's okay... why shouldn't it be? At first I was worried that my resume would look odd.. y'know... bouncing from job to job every few years.... and yes, it's true, it will look weird.... but... only if I play the same game...

For instance, if I go back to school.. get a PhD... then become a professor, that isn't really playing the same game at all.... and if that's not right for me.. I'll learn a trade.

I don't need to worry so much... The above scenario is what happens if I really am a lost wandering soul... Other possible scenarios will see me at a stable job for long periods of time... so who the F*CK cares? I shouldn't... life will happen.. I will happen...

Everyday is a new day to tackle... and in so tackling... I will learn new ways to appreciate... new life lessons... It's the respect I earn from you fine folks that will ultimately be a show to me as to how well I've done. A measure of my way of living... why?

I don't want to be rich... to me that's not "winning" ... I don't want to have things.... I don't need to see places or do things...

HOWEVER... In the end... I will accomplish the above things... I'll have money... I'll own some nice stuff... and I'll have traveled... because it's just what I do.... but.. what I'm really saying.. is that I want to look into a mirror before I die and smile... and know that I did it all my way... And other people ... respected my way.

See Also: I don't need you to like me...

To clarify any confusion...

MY BIRTHDAY PARTY IS TONIGHT!... come over... pass out here... drink, be merry.. or at least take a cab home later or something.

Either way... I damn tributes of gifts... frankly speaking, hugs are acceptable gifts.. Beer and alcohol is better (usually cause I get a hug ANYWAY)... and... snacks and such to offer to the party as a whole are most CERTAINLY welcome... as it's nice to share..

Meet a new friend tonight, enjoy a beverage... relax and enjoy the blistering climax of Summerpeg's hottest month.

We're alive right now... and I intend to live it up.

Bubye! *mwa* and much love my friends.

When I got back from Shambhala... I found out from my mom that my dog had been put down due to an unknown injury. :(

1. http://www.flickr.com/photos/darlok_blade/3721408271/sizes/l/in/set-72157621345276649/

2. http://www.flickr.com/photos/darlok_blade/3722225288/sizes/l/in/set-72157621345276649/

3. http://www.flickr.com/photos/darlok_blade/3721389805/sizes/l/in/set-72157621345276649/

I'll miss her dearly.... :( :( :(

Nikki was my buddy... I used to lay down on the ground with her and cuddle where she lay, as if she was a big person. She'd put up with that usually for a few minutes usually too. Leaving me to fall asleep on the floor by myself... silly girl.. how embarassing.

Now the little black and white one is soo lost... he doesn't know where she is and hasn't stopped looking... everytime someone comes back home to my parent's house.. Rocket (the little dog) jumps up and looks everywhere again.. just in case... :(


I loved her so much... bye bye Nikki... You will missed. :( I just hope my mom and dad are going to be okay... :(

Justin posted this link on Facebook, but I want to hear from other people too.

http://www.calgaryherald.com/technology/Teen%20says%20drug%20rampant%20Edmonton%20underage%20party/1538458/story.html

She took 6 MDMA (ecstasy) pills and died... but, the article indicates that people think that West Ed Mall needs to step up and do something... I think vendors are virtually helpless to the whims of society. You can stop kids from bringing drugs into a party.. seriously, that's not the way to resolve this.

Discuss! :)

http://www.zombo.com/

... welcome.

It's the last week of work for me here at TransCanada.

I'm off on Thursday night and driving back to Winterpeg for Friday night.

The next month and a half will not involve jobs or looking for employment, but rather a long vacation with plenty of driving and partying.

Wednesday next week, I'll be leaving with mister Sam to go down to Shambhala. We're planning on getting into the event by noon on Thursday. Must talk to Justin and Jnel and make more solid plans.

Figuring out what to pack is going to be interesting... because, I'm not coming back to Winnipeg with my car until Sept 10th... so whatever I take with me will ALSO be my BurningMan gear. The plan is to goto Vancouver after Shambhala... I'll be flying back for my Birthday party on the 15th of August (PLEASE COME!)... then back to Vancouver afterwards.

I think I'll be heading up the coast to Alaska with the ferry's... Maxine is going to meet me down in Vancouver on the 21st... and participate in those adventures.... then.. it's off and away with Sam to BurningMan... We're thinking Portland, Oregon for 2 days beforehand to prepare... I've never been there, but it seems like a wicked city from what I've heard and all the awesome people I have met from there.

I'll drive Sam back to Vancouver after the Temple burns... and then back to Winnipeg from there so Max can start Uni...

Then.. I have to get a job... :)

I'm kinda ridiculously excited about all of this... like.. totally giddy inside and can barely hold myself together.

Something tells me it's all going to go by SOOO fast... and I'll wish I had prepared more... wish I did something different... so.. knowing that this is my usual reaction afterwards.. I'm going to not plan too much.. just have some options and not get my heart set on any particular thing to do or see in my spare time... just relax and drive... and see the western coast of our fine continent. :)

When I get back... things will be in better order as far as my family is concerned too... I hope... My parents are desperately trying to sell their house... and they've had some bad luck with the real-estate agent.. I don't think he's advertising it properly or TRYING... and we're talking about my parents making 340,000 bucks... so.. it's kinda stressful and annoying.. since they have a new house being shipped to Winnipeg Beach (by a golf course there)... and they want to build it and move out.. but need the money...

I guess the positive side of all the house/real-estate stuff with my family right now.. is that we're all in deep with debt at this moment.. but... give it 6 months or less... and we'll be back out of debt and on top with some profit.. so.. it's just a matter of roughing out the hard times... I really do want my parents to just be able to relax and enjoy themselves... and I think their time for CRAZY renovations and shenanigans in that respect, are coming to an end in this next year. I'm sure they'll do little things every summer.. until they die... :) but, they wouldn't be my parents if they didn't... :) I just mean... the REALLY outlandish extreme things should be over now.

I for one am almost as impatient to get my vacation going.. as I am to get a job and get a stable routine going by October/November... :)

Chaos and me have been good friends... but enough is enough... :) Stability has been under-appreciated for too long.

I realized tonight... that the romantic ideal in my head was set by the movie titanic.

I forgot how much I really had it in for Rose... lol.. I'm sure a lot of people were in the same boat (hah, not intended pun) ... anyways.. cheesy or ridiculous or whatever... that music.... that scene and setting.. totally brings out the emotional tug on my soul.

Whatever the people who made this had intended.. came through for me... :)

mmmmm... happiness.

Calgary.. I know you love yourself.. but seriously... Why are there so few "funky-punky-raver-goth-FUN-hippie-alternative" people in Calgary? Does dressing weird get you beat up here? What's wrong!?

Apart from the select people I've met in the Burning Man crew... I don't see bizarre people ever... ALTHOUGH.. to be fair.. the showing for the Zombie walk was awesome... so I think people WANT to be different.. they just don't feel comfy doing it on a day to day basis... or.. maybe due to whatever subcultures we have in Calgary.. they stay in their own areas away from everyone else... so I just am not around where they are??? I dunno.. I'm trying to come up with excuses here.

... When walking almost everywhere I went in Edmonton.. including my observations of serving staff at a pet stores and fast food places... there were heaps of interesting piercings, different styles of clothing... make up.. and funky hair...

... not that people *NEED* to dress different.. but for me... I'd feel a lot more comfy in a city that didn't take itself so serious. So in short, Edmonton makes me feel comfy.

Although I already knew there was a lacking in Calgary in this department.. It took leaving the city and seeing another place to really drive home the complete lack of interesting and dynamic people that you could potentially see walking down the sidewalks with you... this is strike 3... you're out Calgary.

I'm still moving back to Winnipeg either way.. but.. in the fight of Edmonton vs Calgary.. I'm going to leave Calgary by declaring Edmonton the winner. It's prettier... a little dirtier, but more culture and attitude.

I think Edmonton reminds me a lot of Winnipeg, but is just much bigger and prettier.

I regret not moving to Edmonton instead of Calgary... but, c'est le vie.

Sometimes I forget that this platform of writing isn't just to keep other people up-to-date with my life.. but for me to reflect back on.. AKA http:\\www.liveJOURNAL.com .. :)

My life is starting to wrap up pretty nicely, with a yet uncertain future to come as far as a job and career in Winnipeg... but I'm not exactly worried at this moment. I'll be just fine for upwards of 6 months without a job before I start to freak out. ;) That being said, I have some leads and contacts.. and I'm pretty sure I'll be full time by October 1st.. SOMEWHERE.. :) you'll see...

*MENTAL NOTE TO SELF: send Gary your updated resume to take over his old job teaching programming to adults*

I totally had a wicked time this weekend. I went to Edmonton Thursday night and hung out with Justin & Read... (Jnel was detained for the night) we all went to see Infected Mushroom at the club attached to the West Ed Mall. Very awesome venue, totally cool crowd... loved it. :)

Met a few of Justin's friends in Edmonton.. and I hope I can stay in touch with those guys. They met over a scrabble game advertised on Kijiji... crazy, never thought to do that myself.. :P

Anyway.. I spent the next few nights over at Justin n Jnel's place... It was pretty freaking chillxin' good times... lots of patio and sun.. drinking... hanging out in the convertable with the top down.. the keys inside the house.. but drinking in the car.. ;) hehe.. soo ghetto.. loved it.

Went out late late late Saturday night, so I ended up sleeping Sunday away... but, c'est le vie, I feel good now... instead of dead.

hrmmm.. I'll write more later..

dun dun duuuunnnn....

Michael Jackson's heart stopped...

in other news... I'm going to see Infected Mushroom tonight in Edmonton.

....

I totally have resigned from TransCanada... as of August 1st I am out for good.

The plan is to come back for FolkFest... then I work from home for a bit in July... then end off July by coming back to Calgary and cross-training whoever needs to be trained... THEN I AM OUT!

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

**dances**

I gots the money... I has the edumakation! ... I have toys... I ownz houses.. I have love and affection and friends...

... I am happy.

Life is going to be A-okay. You wait and see... this mister Wachal has some great plans for the future... starting with every day I wake up and am still breathing.

I watched a documentary last night called: "Garbage Warrior".. in it there was a scene that I want to describe to you all.. but first, a bit about the movie.

Totally cool heartfelt story about a guy with a dream to do something different... but being different isn't really accepted very easily. ESPECIALLY in a day in age where we have to live by a certain standard of safety. Which is great... don't get me wrong... but... nowadays schools can't have outings to swimming pools, because one kid drowned and ruined it for everyone. Know what I mean?

The guy in the show builds houses in New Mexico... out of tires and plastic bottles.. some glass and some wood, and mud. Each house is more-or-less self-sustaining... can generate their own power with a deep-cycle battery and solar panels combined with rudimentary wind turbines. Even human waste is recycled to help the soil and plants grow... feeding people. Basically, he was out to prove that it could be done for cheap.

Now clearly the housing situation is a step back from our modern life-styles... but my view of it is that it's still luxury compared to most people's standards in the world... AND... it's pretty much FREE from a construction stand-point in comparison to a typical house... and at the end of the day, there are no utility bills to pay. So, you literally don't need much of a job at all to live.

Anyways.. people sued.. bad stuff happens... go watch the movie to find out how it turns out in the end and the battle with the ridiculous laws.

... The part I wanted to get at was a human story in all this...

The fellow in the movie ends up in India helping out with disaster recovery... And this moment occurs that totally just touched me...

***************
The picture is of a man standing in a clearing of rubble and mud. He motions to the ground beside him and says "That was my house. I'm the only person alive from this place... so far that we know.". He looks around, he's very composed and you can see that he isn't really letting the scene affect him.

A voice from behind the camera asks him "Did you lose a lot of friends here?"

He actually smiles, and says "A few? ... All of them. There's no one left here man". He takes a few steps and points in a direction off to his right and says "My friends and I, we used to sit over there. We...." He stops himself. For the first time since he's been on screen he falters and look away from the camera.

There is a long pause. The man says nothing. He doesn't look at the camera anymore. He stares at the rubble around him. The scene fades away.
***********


My heart goes out to that man and anyone ever in that situation... :(

I have now finished listening to 'Star Dust' and 'Anansi Boys' on Audio book. Very awesome job Mr.Gaiman.. Very awesome indeed.


I also highly suggest World War Z... as I may have mentioned before, but clearly by the lack of comments similar to "OMFG6 SCOTT!.. it was amazing! THANK YOU FOR THE SUGGESTION!!!!1!!!one!!" .... I assume no one has ran out and got it...

do so now.. I'll wait right here for you ... *waits*

Flickr said "infinite upload capacity"...

I say: "I'm getting my 25 dollars worth"


*Already uploaded several gigs in the last 24 hours*

talk complete... figuring out details of my finishing off work... hrmmmm...

I wont be there past end of July.. whether I work a bit remotely between now and then or what not.

Healthy reminder:

I still want another roomie or two... if you're considering moving out... let me know! We can strike a deal.

... Tomorrow.. I'm going to tell my boss that I no longer can stay in Calgary.... I'm also going to say that I love my job and it is the only reason I have stayed here as long as I have, but it's not a reason to stay here forever.

Then... I will see if anything can be done.... a compromise maybe? Remote working??? (ideal!) ...

Then... if no compromises can be arranged... I give my 2 1/2 week notice.

At least I have a deadline and am making decisions. Life has ran me for a little while... I'm taking it back.


I'm so nervous, even if I know with certainty my convictions on the matter.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/darlok_blade/

:) The beginning of my camera obsession starts here.

Today I wore a black Kilt to work...

Everyone was asking... Are you even Scottish?

My reply: we're all Canadian here... but yes.. I'm 1/4 Scottish if that helps.

CLAN URQUHART!

"Meane Weil, Speak Weil, And Doe Weil!"

:)

I sometimes get confused between the memories of my past and wishful thoughts of the future. Time is so not linear all the ... time?... I think the English language lacks vital words to differentiate between meta-physical ideas. Perhaps I can break down reality into several words and thus break down *my* reality. By re-categorizing the concepts of my continued existence, I might have the chance to slip between the cracks of common sense and arrive at a point in... umm.. time... where I am in a position "better" off than I am now. Whatever "Better" means. Relative I suppose.

I'm not able to do the things I do by playing within the same rules that everyone plays. I have and will always believe... that if you want something, you have to cheat. err.. "Cheat" is a terrible word... with MANY negative connotations. Let's agree that I don't mean to include the meaning of BETRAYING LOVED ONES AND PROMISES TO FRIENDS/FAMILY/ETC. I mean perhaps, to be creative. Maybe Lawyers know this best.

If we are bound only by reality and rules in place guiding our reality... and we don't fully understand the rules. Can it not be that there are ways to do almost anything, until proved wrong? I think magic works like this. Truly.. not d*cking around here. We don't fly, because we have no wings.. and gravity keeps us down. We cannot avoid these facts, right? ... yet I fly regularly from one city to another. In a plane? Sure... but at one time... that was impossible too. Science is the new magic... or it always was, just under a different name.

To break the rules... one must revisit each and every rule. Question their purpose. Ask why. Avoid giving up. Then press on them a little. When the bricks are loose in the wall of logic, you'll know something is wrong. We all have it inside us to feel out the right and wrong of a given circumstance.

... just some thoughts... flawed or un-flawed... I use this frame of mind to conquer everything in my path. Mis-guided or not in my intentions? That's another debatable story.

;)

Natalie and Justin share today as a birthday... YAY for still being alive.. w00t w00t.. I love you guys.

And... it's Lynda's Wedding... YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to explode now.... *poof!*

See Also: my throat is raw and red and I am somewhat sick.... F*CK!!!

... grrr.... okay.. but.. I will honestly just put up with it for a day... so, no biggie.. medicine tomorrow.

So... I snapped my phone in half... it broke the circuits connecting the base to the top part with the display.

It's officially f*cked beyond repair.

I am... internally grateful and annoyed at this turn of events.

I need to not be so bound by that thing anyways. Less and less people were texting me on there anyways.

I have LiveJournal... I have Facebook.. I have gmail.. I have hotmail... I have msn... I have gtalk... I still can check my voicemail, when I get to a phone that will let me dial a 403 area code number.

Do I really need to be anchored to that thing anyways?... like seriously.. I open it when I sit down to goto the bathroom, because It's too boring to just appreciate a good and proper defication?

Yeah... seriously.

So... I wont be as contactable for the next little while... We'll see how long I last.

But, if you know me... can read this.. and need to get a hold of me.. I'm sure you can find a way.


ttfn,

Me